76% of surveyed “Married Single Moms” said they at least occasionally blame God for the kind of career their husbands have and the state their marriages are in.
32% said they always blame God.
Here are some of the comments shared by these moms:
“I feel sometimes like I’ve lost my faith in God, but always remember that he has a plan for me. Maybe this is His way to make me a stronger person. A more independent person. A person that needs to find happiness within herself and not to rely on my husband to be happy. God knows when he is home, he is critical, unwilling to help with the children, angry and yelling all the time so that we’re all walking on eggshells, upset when I have to leave the house for any length of time and leave the kids with him. I hate to admit it out loud, but I am happier when he’s gone. I fall into a simpler routine, it’s less stressful and quieter and no one is angry at me.”
“I blame my husband more… but when I’m really tired I lose perspective and blame God.”
“My husband worked in this line of work before I met him, so I knew what I was getting into. Honestly, if anything, I am thankful that he even has a job in this economy.”
“I am so thankful for my husband’s work and the way God has led him to this career. His frequent absences are our reality. I fully support him, and know this is for a season.”
“However, I often remind myself that the REASON my husband has this career is because he is following God! That encourages me that God will subsequently give us the resources (and me the faith and strength) to manage.”
“At least he has a job. I may not like him being gone, but it is something he enjoys doing and gets paid fairly well for. It provides what we need.”
“For a long time I blamed God. If He knew what life was going to be like and how hard things were going to be on our marriage, and if God really loved me… why did He let me marry this guy!?!”
I Blamed God Too
It took me about 16 years of marriage to learn something I hadn’t even dreamed was possible. Let me tell you what happened.
I was praying with a pastor at our church about my past. I’ve had some real messes in my background. I was supposed to be getting ready to speak to a group, but these messes were hovering over me so much that I could hardly sleep at night.
As we prayed the Lord showed me that I had been like a bride, all beautiful and ready for Him, but different people had come along and slung mud at me. The mud made my dress so heavy. Eventually I was pretty much walking through rivers of mud, my hair all matted and filthy.
I felt ugly and unwanted.
Then the image changed. As I continued walking, every time I prayed the Lord would wash part of my dress. I’d show Him another part and He’d clean it. As I walked my dress got cleaner and cleaner, but I still felt filthy and unloved.
Then we walked over a hill and there was a little chapel there. I walked into it and down the aisle, and I married my husband. At this point my dress was pure white, but I didn’t feel loved.
We walked out of the little chapel and further down the next hill. As we walked I got little snippets of memory from times Trent had said to me, “I love you!” This went on for a few minutes, and finally I said to God, “What are you trying to tell me, I just don’t get it!!”
Learning to Accept Love
I didn’t hear a voice or anything, but the Holy Spirit communicated to me so clearly. One of the reasons God had given Trent to me was because I had needed a man who would tell me he loved me.
In a way, every time Trent had said, “I love you!” it had really been God saying it to me. He knew that I had felt so filthy that, even though I was clean before Him, I hadn’t accepted His love. So He gave me Trent. He knew I would need to hear it from Trent for many years before I’d be able to hear and accept it straight from the Lord.
I fully believe that God gave Trent to me, at least in part, to help me draw closer to Him. In the hard times I cling closer to God, and in the good times I see more clearly God’s heart towards me.
All the hard things we’ve gone through, my emotional affair, Trent’s absence in our home and marriage, the tough stuff with kids, the deep pains we’ve dealt with have all been God’s best for us. Nothing else would have caused me to rely on Him so thoroughly and completely.
And so, in a sense I still blame God. It is His fault! But I’m so glad He did it the way He did.
And as I throw myself at His mercy I’m also willing to “Blame” Him and thank Him for the grace and compassion He’s poured out over me and my family.
How about you?
- What nugget of God’s truth and beauty have you found in your marriage?
- What have you learned of God’s grace and compassion during the hard times of your life?
Survey Source: Married Single Mom Survey 2011 by Carla Anne Coroy